


Dumb

by lori_yuy



Category: Before Crisis: Final Fantasy VII, Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII (Video Game 1997), Final Fantasy VII Remake (Video Game 2020), Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children
Genre: F/M, Forgiveness, Light Angst, M/M, Self-Reflection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-30
Updated: 2020-07-30
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:20:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25604971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lori_yuy/pseuds/lori_yuy
Summary: Tseng reflects on all the stupid moments in his life and career from multiple timeframes and from multiple people. He realizes he is only human and it's okay to show emotions and make mistakes.Warnings: Contains main game spoilers. Proceed with caution if you've only played the Remake.
Relationships: Aerith Gainsborough & Tseng, Cissnei/Tseng (Compilation of FFVII), Rufus Shinra/Tseng, Tseng & Veld (Compilation of FFVII), Zack Fair & Tseng
Kudos: 11





	Dumb

Veld's Influence:

It could be said that he had heart - lots of it, too much of it according to Director Veld. It was in his nature and he never had felt wrong about saving whomever he could, but in his line of work, it can become a fatal mistake. 

He had tried to save the life of the Shinra troop, not thinking about the consequences of the smuggled Shinra technology falling into the wrong hands.

Veld had righted him. "You don't understand what it means to be a Turk still Tseng."

Veld's comment had hurt his youthful pride then. His original mission was to locate the Shinra troop wasn't it? Isn't a life worth saving? He had not understood the mission of the Turks apparently.

The next time a mission critical to Shinra was put on him, he followed Veld's lecture. He finished destroying both the weapons data and backup data before helping the Director destroy the hardware. The Director had chided him for coming to help, but he argued back that the primary mission objective was already met.

When the crumbling structure of the ship had fallen on him in the process of escaping, Director Veld had come back for him.

"You should run Director, forget about me." He had said.

Veld looked like he would have smacked Tseng if not for the fact that he was already injured.

"No, stupid kid. I'm done with my duty and I'm getting you out of here to safety."

It felt very hypocritical of the Director, but Tseng seemed to understand. Director Veld had gotten unnecessary cuts and bruises getting him out.

"Knowing how you think Tseng...here. It's the only one we've got. It's very rare, but I want you to have it." Veld had given him a full cure materia while in the infirmary.

He learned to curb his emotions. Having heart is not necessarily bad, but it shouldn't interfere with a Turk's primary duty : to protect the interests of Shinra Company.

~...~

Protocol Follower:

The VP of Shinra Company was a young man, as young as himself.

"Lock him up in the Turk's HQ." That was the directive from President Shinra for his own son.

Rufus Shinra was a cunning leader, Tseng had learned as he spent a lot of time with the young VP. Since he was now the Director of the Turks, he used his own discretions in following the order.

He let Rufus out of his secret cell whenever nobody else was around. He didn't have the heart to keep the smart young man locked up for four years in a cramped room in isolation.

They often sat together around the large desk while Tseng was working. Rufus was generous in utilizing his access rights and had shared many things that Tseng would otherwise not have had insight into.

Together they had learned the ins and outs of Shinra's external and internal affairs, company strengths and weaknesses, assets and liabilities. Tseng had developed a form of admiration for the young VP in learning about his aspirations and visions.

"My father is both wasteful and ineffective with his methods. Money cannot buy everything as I've learned myself, especially not loyalty." Rufus had looked Tseng directly in the eyes when he made the statement that day.

He wasn't sure when admiration had turned into something more as he was spending time day in and day out with Rufus. The caveat was this was the company's VP and Tseng was too professional.

No, Tseng wasn't going to give into his emotions, whatever feelings they may represent. There is a protocol to follow for someone in his job.

When the Turks were in the midst of their corporate identity crisis, Tseng had a panic-attack as reports were coming in from his field agents. Rufus had kicked out Reno and Rude and pulled him aside. "Tseng. I have a proposition."

It was an insane proposition. It would reduce the Turks' numbers down to almost nothing.

"Do you trust me, Tseng?" He was pulled into a kiss then. Tseng had noticed the stares he was getting from Rufus, the sighs that didn't attribute to anything else, but he had ignored them.

"I want to do this for you."

Tseng looked at Rufus with a dumb expression. Rufus broke his protocol and the carefully built up wall to his heart.

"I can't Mr. Vice President...I...."

"Don't be stupid. Are you really going to deny your emotions?" Rufus was actually angry.

When they executed the plan, everything went smoothly. Tseng had hidden away Veld and his daughter after shooting them "fatally". 

Rufus had kept his end of the deal.

"Don't get me wrong, I didn't do it for you. Show your appreciation in your work." Rufus said as he left the three remaining Turks on the rooftop of Shinra Tower after the ordeal.

Tseng had a feeling the coldness of that statement was directed at him. Was he a fool to deny returning Rufus's feelings? Deny his own feelings? He couldn't say.

~...~

Losses:

The deserted first class general had done a number on them. Those were his fellow Turks in that freshly dug grave, along with Genesis's own parents. His OWN parents!

He had given Zack a snarky comment about being paid better when asked about the grave digging. He was really hiding his own feelings about seeing his coworkers' remains buried in such a disgraceful way. 

Would he end up like that one day?

Genesis had tried to burn him when confronted at the Banora White apple juice factory. Zack ran off to fight in the meanwhile. He pulled out Veld's full cure materia and put it to good use. No way is he going this way too.

Zack's face of surprise when he pulled the trigger on the monsters surrounding the entrance of the factory almost amused him. It seems like his way of always coming back around tough situations had gotten quite a reputation.

"Are you actually immortal Tseng?" Zack asked him when they were back at the inn.

"No Zack. I was just lucky."

"Are you sure you're not immortal?"

"Yes I'm pretty sure."

He was tired, still a bit sore from the burns earlier, but it was healed enough that it wouldn't leave any scars.

Suddenly Zack was staring into his face. He had apparently been looking blankly at the window too long.

"Are you really okay? Today must have been rough for you." The look of concern on Zack's face reminded him of the humanity he might have lost along the way.

Zack was right of course. Today had been tough.

He's had to dig up his own people, people he considered almost family. He's had to re-bury them.

He's been burned by one of Shinra's most strong. He's had to....he's had to destroy the evidence of misconduct on the company's behalf. Banora was burnt down via a carpet bombing ordered by President Shinra.

Angeal's mother had still been there, but Zack told him she had taken her own life ahead of the bombing.

Tseng felt strong arms around him. "You don't have to hold it all to yourself you know. Aerith told me you used to be so much more emotional." 

He turned around to face the bright blue Mako eyes.

"Zack what are you doing? Let me go."

"No, you needed a hug if anything else."

"Let. Me. Go."

"Don't be an idiot Tseng."

Tears were streaming down his face without his permission. What right did he have to be crying?

"Tseng, come on, let it all out. It's fine. I won't tell a soul." It must have been a strange sight, a Turk being comforted by a SOLDIER.

He found himself awakening in Zack's arms the next day.

~...~

Learning the Hard Way:

He had sent Reno and Rude on a reconnaissance mission on the first helicoptor.

He had sent Cissnei on a separate helicoptor to observe the movements of the Shinra army.

He and Emma had hopped on a third helicoptor on a separate recon mission in the opposite direction.

Even with their numbers and coverage, they didn't make it in time. He was staring down at the beaten body ridden with bullet holes of Zack Fair, whom he had not seen in four years.

The blue Mako eyes still had a little shine in them when they found him. Aerith's ex-boyfriend. The confidential sealed box of 88 letters for Zack was still locked in Tseng's drawer back at HQ.

He had reports of two human experiments that Hojo had taken and had personally went to ask the Professor about it a couple of times. He never got answers. This time, he had his answers, albeit too late.

Tseng had gone into a depressive episode after that.  
Cissnei had tried her best to cheer him back up, but she herself must have been in pain too.

"You can't keep being like this Tseng...you couldn't have done much more. You didn't fail Zack, you tried your best."

No, he could have done more. He could have been more persistent in questioning Hojo. 

He could have said something that would have changed the fate of the two Nibelheim victims. 

He could have tried to storm the Shinra Mansion...he was a Turk afterall wasn't he?

"You can't keep blaming yourself, Tseng." That was the last thing Cissnei had said to him.

Cissnei had quit after. She was his long time Turks partner. Emma had quit not too soon behind. He lost one of the best in their ranks.

He was dumb for driving them out of the Turks with his attitude. He lost more than he should have.  
He still had a lot to learn.

~...~

Naivety:

The Promised Land. A Shinra fabricated fairy tale that he had believed in since he was indoctrinated young.

He looked in amazement at the multicolored murals in the Temple of the Ancients. Rufus had instructed him not to look into the Promised Land any further after his father had passed away, but facing these murals, he wasn't sure that it wasn't real anymore.

He had asked Elena to take photos of the murals to send back to HQ for analysis in case anything of importance was discovered.

The real reason they were here though was another Shinra secret, one he cannot let out as a Turk to the general public. Sephiroth, the deserted SOLDIER, the greatest that Shinra had ever produced, was last sighted coming this direction.

"Fancy seeing you here, Tseng." The smooth deep voice had brought his attention back from admiring the wall art.

"Sephiroth!"

"Are you looking for the Promised Land still? How foolish. Let me tell you something. My Mother and I were meant to be the rightful rulers of the planet. I am on the way to turn it into true paradise. Would you like to know how? See that piece in the center of the wall? That is METEOR."

He had listened to the nonsense ramblings that Sephiroth was spewing at him. The ex-general's voice still sounded like the calm, collected man he once knew and worked alongside of.

He used to look up to Sephiroth the war hero but gave up the aspiration after Director Veld had lectured him for a good half day when he voiced his admirations of Shinra's elite killing force.

"To become a SOLDIER you'll have to lose your humanity and become a monster." Veld had never approved of the artificial enhancements done on SOLDIERS.

Looking at the same man now, still youthful in appearance, same green tinted Mako eyes with cat slits, Tseng almost wanted to laugh.

He had thought SOLDIERS had more freedom than Turks back when he was younger. He realized that was never the case. They were corporate slaves just like the Turks. Ironic was the fact that he is now the pursuer when Sephiroth had chosen his own path. Were they really all that different? Did they all just crave for freedom and a sense of self?

"You were all wrong....I shall become a God."

"No Sephiroth. I understand that you just wanted freedom and not be a puppet. We all understand what it's like to be under the clutches of Shinra."

"Silence, Turk."

Before Tseng could react, Masamune's long blade had pierced him. He realized belatedly that the man he thought he was dealing with was no longer the same as the one from his memories.

Blood was spewing from several vital organs but he forced himself to crawl back to the entrance. A Turk would not be giving up here.

His vision was blurred as he handed off the Keystone to the Avalanche members. Aerith was looking at him with eyes of pity, pity he didn't deserve.

"You were wrong about the Promised Land Tseng, and I'm not going to help you." 

He smiled a bitter smile. Aerith was still the sassy girl he knew.

"How very like you Aerith." He had walked to the side to lean on the nearby pillar. 

She faced away from him. "You are truly stupid."

She was crying. Was she crying for him?

He quietly casted a couple of cures with the last of his strength when some familiar faces showed up. His consciousness was too far gone and he passed out before he could recognize who they were.

~...~

Of Eternity:

He was in a space that was white.  
It felt like he was floating.

"Oh man, he's done it huh." A familiar male voice.  
"Hmph...I already told him he was stupid." A familiar female voice.

He opened his eyes slowly to see white and the silhouettes of Aerith and Zack.

What...where...how?

"You don't belong here." Aerith frowned as she looked down at him.

"Yeah, people are expecting you home." Zack added.

"Where am I?" Tseng asked the two ghostly figures.

Aerith smiled at him. "The Lifestream. Not where you should be."

"I heard you uh...made good with the VP...is he President now? From her." Zack added, winking at Aerith.

"!!!" Oh that's right...Sephiroth had cut him up at the Temple. Wait...Aerith!? What is she doing in the Lifestream?

"Oh...Sephiroth gave me the same knife treatment too if you're wondering what happened." Aerith stated simply as if it was nothing.

Fuck...that wasn't supposed to happen.  
He shouldn't have let Aerith go back to Shinra, he shouldn't have let Aerith out of his sight and protection...he shouldn't have...

Aerith was glowering at him now.  
"HEY I never said it was YOUR fault! Why don't you ever learn Tseng?"

Zack laughed at Aerith's comment and took up Tseng's hand.

"Heya. I miss you and all that, and just wanted to say thanks for trying to save me back then."

"I'm gonna keep that rumor that you're immortal alive." Zack added with his signature smirk.

  
Aerith took his other hand now too.

"When you go back, can you go see my mom? She might give you the broomstick treatment again but...just tell her I said hi."

Tseng blinked. Go back?

"Oh and this is payback for that time." Aerith said as she raised a hand up. He saw Zack's hand form into a fist.

Before Tseng knew what was happening, he felt a hard slap on his face and a punch to his stomach.

He heard sounds of her laughter. "Thanks for taking care of me all those years. I'll see you later Tseng."

When he opened his eyes next, he was laying on a hospital bed. Cissnei was staring into his eyes.  
"Where..?"

"Junon. Director Veld, myself, and Emma got you from the Temple. Director Tuesti contacted us." 

She poked him in the forehead. "You were up to no good again, weren't you?"

She then pecked him on the cheek. "I missed you, partner. Glad you're back from the dead."

~...~

Secrets:

All the Turks were there.  
They had evacuated most of Midgar when Veld and co showed up to help.

Meteor had caused havoc to the city of steel.  
There was so much relief when the Lifestream rose and met the comet head on but it still managed to cause unspeakable destruction to the city and its surrounding areas.

Could he have done anything to stop it? Aside from successfully assassinating Sephiroth, probably not. Hell, how was he supposed to stop Sephiroth when Sephiroth had sent him to the Lifestream? He had to live up to his reputation of being immortal now that Zack and Aerith literally beat him back out of the Lifestream.

Reno and Rude were mad at him. "YOU KNEW HE WAS ALIVE THIS WHOLE TIME?"

Ah the Director Veld fiasco, the best kept secret in his whole career.

Tseng smiled back at them as Director Veld just laughed. "He learned from me, the best there is. Why do you think I appointed him Director after I left anyways?"

Cissnei wrapped her arms around his waist and laid her head against his chest. "Only the best of the best...but I agree, that was stupid Tseng."

"Oh you don't know what STUPID is Cissnei..." Reno trailed as a mischievous smile formed on his face.

Rude joined in. "Oh yeah. He DENIED being in love with Rufus for YEARS."

"WHAT????" Cissnei now gave him a look.

Tseng had grown way taller than her by this point and it was kind of funny as she was looking up at him, berating him like a mother while holding him in a bear hug.

"Tseng, why are you so dumb? I knew you loved him back in our days!" Cissnei was tisking at him. "You're awful at emotions."

~...~

Holding On and Letting Go:

He never expected to encounter the likes of Sephiroth again after what happened after Meteor, yet there he was, teetering on the brink of life and death again.

The three brothers that looked like Sephiroth had tortured him and Elena. Former Turk Vincent had saved them in the nick of time. A couple rounds of advanced cure put them back together mostly, but he still had a concussion and a few wounds that are taking long to heal.

Rufus....Rufus needed him back. He held onto that thought as he and Elena recovered.

He couldn't bear the thought still. After all that they had endured, Rufus had somehow caught Geostigma. He knew it wasn't his fault but he really wanted to blame himself for not being there for the President when it happened.

Then came the rain.  
Aerith. The light scent of her lillies lingered in the air after the rain stopped.

The dark pus-filled lesions on Rufus's body dissolved in a wave of green. Jenova was being purged from Gaia.

All four of them had stood drenching in the rain with Rufus when it happened. Tseng watched with an unreadable expression as he saw his lover recover magically.

"Are you thinking about your little failures again Tseng?" A voice pulled him out of his thoughts. Rufus was looking up at him from their shared bed, wrapped comfortably in a warm blanket. "Sorry, did I wake you up?"

Rufus gave him a frown as he saw that Tseng was holding onto a little notebook in his hand. He had written down his previous dumb moments in it and kept it in his suit pocket. It was a miracle the little notebook had survived everything up to now.

"and yes I was."

"You should learn to let go of past failures."

Tseng looked at Rufus thoughtfully.

"Come on Tseng, don't make that your next dumb thing."

Tseng smiled and got up to walk up to their fireplace.

"You're right. It's time to move on."

He threw the notebook into the burning embers and watched it turn slowly into dust.

**Author's Note:**

> Aerith slapped him as payback for slapping her in Original FF7.
> 
> Headcanon that Elmyra whacks Tseng with a broomstick whenever he dares show his face at her house.
> 
> I also like the idea that Cissnei was Tseng's partner when she was in the Turks and that they were close.


End file.
